Sick Note

I didn't get any sleep last night and ended up attending only an hour and a half out of my 6 hours of class today. I wasn't sure what I was hoping for when I left the room after I finished my presentation: I actually stood outside the doorway (without the teacher noticing, of course) for a good two minutes, frozen.

I feel that I am really growing up. I know, something as simple as leaving class early for some reason can make me feel like I am growing up. No, that's not really the case - it's really about how if I used to feel sick back then and wanted to leave school, I would have to go through all the troubles of calling home and waiting in the nurse's office until someone came to pick me up. Those were the days where I blame my mother for every minute it takes for her to get to school to pick me up. Not just when I was sick, but other times I would have to rely on my mom because I didn't know how to drive yet.

But now, I can drive, and my mom would make me go to places by myself and run errands for her. Don't get me wrong - the freedom is awesome. But looking back, it's nice to have a little care coming from someone. A friendly gesture.

I hate how parents tend to give you freedom at an arm's length. If she wanted to give me more responsibility and freedom to control my own time, then why does she still get upset at times when I come home later? Why does it concern her as to what time I leave? I have complete access to the car - I can use it whenever I want, if, the car was available. She gives me the right to do whatever I want, but neglects my schedule. I need a car, but her reason for not getting me a car was "I still need to restrain you". A better reason would be to say "I don't have the money to get you a new car," not that. It's hard to breath when you suddenly yank my collar and choke me.

Going back to the idea of care, I am getting much less of that from my parents now. Maybe because they aren't involved with my life anymore, and vice versa. My grandma is growing to be clingy, and I feel that she is someone I need to protect and take care of, other than the other way around. Then here comes the question - who is there to protect me?