How long does it take to fall in love.
A second?
A day?
A month?
A year?

Can't we just follow our hearts.
And love.
And care about nothing else..

my lucky doughnut.

Even when you're tearing me apart
and screaming out our pain...
Our tears caress every inch of our face
showing comfort
and the understanding
of each others emotions...

Sometimes, this all seems to too good to be true
It's like a dream just being with you
Caz, baby I never thought that I'd get enough
But I'm satisfied and filled with just your love...

November 16th, 2010

I wrote this on November 16th.
I'm posting this up now

"driving home today was especially intriguing

simply beacause i was tired out of my mind

stressed out of my comfort zone

burning under sorrows

i was seeing real things and i thought i was being delusional

then something suddenly dawned on me

i feel so lucky

i know

l u c k y

i haven't felt this way in a long time

i don't even know what came to be

could it be the sudden realization that my life is about to restart very soon?

could it be that i am finding a balance between school and personal life?

could it simply be because i am allowing myself to believe that

for once

change is good?

i tell myself everyday that this is true

it's my mantra

but at the same time

is this truth a punishment to my heart and of my past?

i am so afraid

so afraid that

everything will turn chaotic

that everything i gained will all turn into swords and stab me

that everything i have learned will turn against me

i'm starting to wonder

if this is worth it

if this will ever happen

if.

i live in two worlds right now

one, where only we exist

two, where you don't exist.

whatever it is

i am t h a n k f u l

for having a shoulder to lean on

for having something to look forward to at the end of the day

for having something warm my dead heart

i wonder if we will expire

等

說不定這也是一種幸福的資格"

I guess this is what they call

Love.

l o .. st.

I forgot how to express myself through words
because I am no longer a lost writer
who can't express her feelings through tears but can do so through words.

I am no longer a writer.
I am just a failure.

the difference between what you want and reality

i want to

i really want to

but i can't

there are certain things

that just can't

so to that i toast

i toast my future

which ends starting everyday

cause you're my everything.

i want to be everything but happy

so you can feel the pain that lingers in my presence

i want to be everything but beautiful
so you can pity and love the clarity of my heart and personality

i want to be everything but graceful

i want to be everything but truthful

i want to be everything but honest

i want to be your everything
and to be your everything

i don't know what it takes.

cause you're my everything.

i should know

by now

that promises

compromises

and turns into a different promise

until someday

it either hurts you

or it just doesn't matter anymore.

Can We?

Only Pain.

If this is beautiful
and this is love

Then what is horrible
and what is hate?

Concepts of love
Controversies of hate

Needing to love
Uncaring of hate

I can paint a picture with my emotions
love and hate is not present.

Only pain.

I can't compare

When did I suddenly go from nothing to everything to something and to nothing and to something and onto everything and nothing and..onwards...

When did your smile turn into my every hope?
When did your touch turn into my every comfort?
When did your voice turn into my sweetest lullaby?


When did it start getting harder to breathe?

When did it start
and When will it end?

Are you gamed?

Let's play a game,

You and I.

The first to fall in love?
Wins a breaking heart.

You stump me
Then I ponder
And I reach the decision that
I think too much

Your love somehow outweighs...
leaving me breathless
and giggly.

But into the midst of the night,
when silence is my best friend?

Your love widens my lonely heart...

lingering words.

Some people tell me that words are my jigsaw puzzle.
I can create an imagery that enters into someone's mind.
So apparently, that's writing well.

But I feel, that,
I just manage to jot down my every emotion,
while vividly using the correct words to convey my message

Looping this image around
tying it into knots
and finally creating an alternate reality that I would want people to believe in

but no one but myself knows exactly what my every word means,
at the same time embracing the connection from my words to others

...is my victory at saying to the world

I'm a good writer because I have fooled you.
I can't write, I can only take you on a journey of lost words that cannot find an escape through my tears, but only through typing..

I actually want to believe everything you say
and everything you do

even if I know that's just stepping in too deep

r a t i o n a l i t y

rationality took over
logical thinking sprung aboard
feelings set aside into stone

now it's on you to show me
you remember what i once texted you.

Woke up today

repeating the steps of everyday.

Fluttering eyes,
Lazy stretching,
Tootsie-roll rolling,

Hiding under covers.

And I realized that your every word

means the limit of pi.

But I am no mathematician.

the usual wait

my side of you

Inhaling every memory of you
Keeping it as my own
Folding it into a heart
Casting it away to share

Love on dust.

stuck on repeat

As a child, I never wore rainboots.
I stand in the midst of a puddle in school shoes,

feeling the puddle water seep through my shoes,

wet my socks,

and numb my feet.

Today the stars told me that they will always shine on me
to show me the way of righteousness
to guide me into the path that

I walked on with my two wet feet.

Steps on repeat.

her abandoned heart

When you leave her heart here with nothing to help her patch it up,
she will move on, to perhaps break her heart even more...

until she fully loses it...and gains a new one.