November 16th, 2010

I wrote this on November 16th.
I'm posting this up now

"driving home today was especially intriguing

simply beacause i was tired out of my mind

stressed out of my comfort zone

burning under sorrows

i was seeing real things and i thought i was being delusional

then something suddenly dawned on me

i feel so lucky

i know

l u c k y

i haven't felt this way in a long time

i don't even know what came to be

could it be the sudden realization that my life is about to restart very soon?

could it be that i am finding a balance between school and personal life?

could it simply be because i am allowing myself to believe that

for once

change is good?

i tell myself everyday that this is true

it's my mantra

but at the same time

is this truth a punishment to my heart and of my past?

i am so afraid

so afraid that

everything will turn chaotic

that everything i gained will all turn into swords and stab me

that everything i have learned will turn against me

i'm starting to wonder

if this is worth it

if this will ever happen

if.

i live in two worlds right now

one, where only we exist

two, where you don't exist.

whatever it is

i am t h a n k f u l

for having a shoulder to lean on

for having something to look forward to at the end of the day

for having something warm my dead heart

i wonder if we will expire

等

說不定這也是一種幸福的資格"

I guess this is what they call

Love.