my lucky doughnut.

Even when you're tearing me apart
and screaming out our pain...
Our tears caress every inch of our face
showing comfort
and the understanding
of each others emotions...

Sometimes, this all seems to too good to be true
It's like a dream just being with you
Caz, baby I never thought that I'd get enough
But I'm satisfied and filled with just your love...

November 16th, 2010

I wrote this on November 16th.
I'm posting this up now

"driving home today was especially intriguing

simply beacause i was tired out of my mind

stressed out of my comfort zone

burning under sorrows

i was seeing real things and i thought i was being delusional

then something suddenly dawned on me

i feel so lucky

i know

l u c k y

i haven't felt this way in a long time

i don't even know what came to be

could it be the sudden realization that my life is about to restart very soon?

could it be that i am finding a balance between school and personal life?

could it simply be because i am allowing myself to believe that

for once

change is good?

i tell myself everyday that this is true

it's my mantra

but at the same time

is this truth a punishment to my heart and of my past?

i am so afraid

so afraid that

everything will turn chaotic

that everything i gained will all turn into swords and stab me

that everything i have learned will turn against me

i'm starting to wonder

if this is worth it

if this will ever happen

if.

i live in two worlds right now

one, where only we exist

two, where you don't exist.

whatever it is

i am t h a n k f u l

for having a shoulder to lean on

for having something to look forward to at the end of the day

for having something warm my dead heart

i wonder if we will expire

等

說不定這也是一種幸福的資格"

I guess this is what they call

Love.

l o .. st.

I forgot how to express myself through words
because I am no longer a lost writer
who can't express her feelings through tears but can do so through words.

I am no longer a writer.
I am just a failure.

the difference between what you want and reality

i want to

i really want to

but i can't

there are certain things

that just can't

so to that i toast

i toast my future

which ends starting everyday

cause you're my everything.

i want to be everything but happy

so you can feel the pain that lingers in my presence

i want to be everything but beautiful
so you can pity and love the clarity of my heart and personality

i want to be everything but graceful

i want to be everything but truthful

i want to be everything but honest

i want to be your everything
and to be your everything

i don't know what it takes.

cause you're my everything.

i should know

by now

that promises

compromises

and turns into a different promise

until someday

it either hurts you

or it just doesn't matter anymore.